Thwarted by the Aussie Government, but welcomed by Korean toilets

So I left my family at the departure doors of Melbourne Airport. I was feeling somewhat sombre after a lovely hug farewell. They were no doubt feeling abandoned yet again, by their godawful daughter. These semi-long term departures are now occurring at a rate of once every 2 years. Anyhow, I am delayed at customs due to having a “common surname” which I have decided is a situation I must rectify. Please forward any surname suggestions to my facebook/email.

After customs, I am thwarted by the Australian government as I am unable to claim back $90 from the ‘tourist refund scheme’ as my flight is apparently boarding and they get antsy when TRS holds up flights. For flip’s sake, JUST GIVE ME MY $90. Of course, when I arrive at the gate, it’s not even open, and I could have had yonks to claim back my GST. I blame the overenthusiastic button presser at Korean Air who likes to make premature ‘final calls’. I also realise at this point that my excitement about being on an airbus is unjustified, as it in fact, not an airbus I am boarding but some ordinary plane not dissimilar to a Boeing 747. Why I thought it was an airbus, I do not know, I must have made it up. Probably a good thing too, seeing as all airbuses ever do nowadays is malfunction or disappear over Atlantic oceans and kill everyone on board. However to make up for making up my airbus, the 2 seats next to me are free so I had ample room to splash all my shiz everywhere.

I’ve realised that I must look vaguely Korean as the flight attendants speak to me in Korean. My blank looks quickly have them revert to English, even Chinese Mandarin on one occasion. I guess that’s what you get for being yellow. I also have something to admit- a deep, dark secret this one is- I LIKE AEROPLANE FOOD!! Yes I do. I am that 0.000001% of the population that actually enjoys the stuff. I love the way everything is compartmentalised into small, perfectly oblong/circular tray thingers. When travelling with friends and family I frequently steal the left over crackers and cheese, and take on the role of ‘human rubbish bin’. However my strange affinity for aeroplane food ceased on this flight- I was served a pasta with shrimp for brunch, and the shrimp looked uncannily like witchety grubs coloured in with orange texta with intestines full of poo still inside them.

Anyhow, I have now touched down in Incheon, an hour’s out of Seoul in Korea, where I will stay for a day before going on to San Francisco. The place is chockablock full of snow. It’s quite pretty. Korean Air have hooked me up in a sweet hotel with an amazing toilet that warms your ass. It's got too many buttons, all in Korean! I couldn't figure out how to use it, so I went a bit apeshit on the buttons, and it went a bit apeshit in response, but it's settled down now. AAnd I have two beds! Which one to sleep on? And that is where I shall leave you, to ponder over my dilemma.